Does those two words even belong together?
Being an aspie often means that people and their many non-rational thoughts, feelings and actions can be confusing and somehow hard to figure out. But it doesn’t mean that you are doomed to a lonely life without relations just like the ones neurotypical people form and treasure. Thereby not said that it will come naturally and that won’t involve a lot of hard work.
Personally I have experienced that most relations needs lots of care and attention, if you want them to become and/or stay close and sincere. I do not have many deep realtions but those I have I really treasure and care for; and to be totally hones I don’t think i lack good relationships. Having few but very good and deep relations means more than many shallow ones. If you ask me that is.
Just a few years back I was convinced that I my mental health would never be good enough for me to even consider getting involved with love and the relation it brings along. I based this thought on the things my depressive mind told me over and over again. Thoughts like “You’ll never concur your illness!”, “You are not loveable and unworthy of love”, “You can’t get children because of your bad mental health” and “You are not supposed to have your own family”. These thoughts felt real and very true indeed and i shielded myself from anything and anyone that challenged them. I more or less conscious chose this shield strategy because I wanted to spare myself the pain from being confronted with my own inadequacy as regard to this kind of relation. I felt unable to get involved with someone and though eliminating the change to try it out was the best for me. Today i know this to be wrong.
Aspie and wife does belong together after all and this I know for a fact. A little more than two years ago I met a young man who dared to get close to me even though he knew of my mental health issues. In the beginning he convinced me to go on a few dates with him and before i even knew it I was in love with him. Falling in love with him was not hard at all. The hard part was understanding that I was loverable and trusting my own intuition in the new kind of relation. Feelings can seem confusing and unfamiliar when you have Aspergers syndrom and at first this was exactly how love felt to me. After our first few dates I felt weird when I got home and at first i thought it was because I ate something bad or because I getting the flu. I thought for sure that I was going to be sick. After a while I figured out that I was not going to be sick but what I was feeling was the butterflies in my stomach. I was in love and because I never had felt it before, I did not recognise the feeling.
Fifteen days ago I became the Aspie wife of a wonderful neurotypical man. I have disproven my own thesis about me being unworthy of love and the husbond-wife relation. Being an Aspie does not disqualify me, or you for that instance, from love and the special relation between husbond and wife.